Story
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland: A Journey Through the Absurd
60 minAges 7-9
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The story
Introduction
What if your ordinary afternoon suddenly plunged you into a world where logic was a game, and talking animals were just the beginning? Join us as we tumble down the rabbit hole with Alice, into a whimsical land of peculiar characters and topsy-turvy rules. From a disappearing cat to a mad tea party, prepare to question everything you thought you knew. Get ready for an adventure unlike any other, right here on 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland'.
Segment 1: Tumble into Wonder
Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do. Once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice, 'without pictures or conversations?' So she was considering in her own mind, as well as she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid, whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her. There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge. In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again. The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down what seemed to be a very deep well. Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her, and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was labeled 'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop it, lest it should hurt somebody below, if there was any body below, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she fell past it. 'Well!' thought Alice to herself. 'After such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!'. Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an end? 'I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. 'I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think—' (for, you see, Alice had learned several things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though she had no idea what longitude or latitude was, she thought she might as well try to repeat something she had learned, which was a very unusual thing for her to do), '—but then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude would mean in this place! I shall get to the other side, some day, I suppose! but then,' she added aloud, 'how puzzling it all is! I'm sure I'll never get to the end of the lessons, and when I've finished them, I shall have to begin all over again, I expect. I can see it now—I shall have to learn all the new things, and I shall have to be examined in them! Oh, I wish I hadn't learned so many things!' she cried. 'But perhaps some of them will be useful after all. Why, I shouldn't have known anything about oranges, for instance, if I hadn't seen this jar. I wonder if there's any of them left? No, there isn't,' she added aloud, after she had tried in vain to look inside. Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began talking again, even though she was quite alone. 'I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think—' (she was rather glad there WAS no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the right word, and she felt sure she would have to sink into the earth with shame if she had said it aloud). '… But then the ground wasn't so very far off, was it? Oh, I've dropped something! I wonder what it is?' And she tried to remember. 'Oh, I wish I hadn't dropped it! I wonder if anyone will find it? It was something very important, I'm sure. Oh dear, oh dear!' she cried, feeling a little frightened. But before she could finish her sentence, she found herself suddenly landing with a gentle thump on a heap of sticks and dry leaves. The fall was over! She sat up and looked around her. She was in a long, low hall, lit by a row of lamps hanging from the roof. There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked. She tried every one, but they were all shut tight. Then she came back to the centre, and stood for a moment in doubt, wondering which way to go. Suddenly she noticed a little three-legged table, made of solid glass. There was nothing on it, except a tiny golden key. Alice picked up the key and tried it in the locks of the doors, but alas! none of them would fit. The key was far too small. She sighed, and then she had a sudden thought. Maybe the lock was just around the corner? She hurried back to the table and looked underneath it. There was a tiny little door, no bigger than a mouse-hole, hidden behind a curtain. She tried the golden key in this tiny lock, and to her great delight, it fitted perfectly! But the door was far too small for her to go through.
Segment 2: Shrinking and Swimming
Alice peered through the tiny door, her nose almost touching the wood. Beyond it lay a beautiful garden, filled with the most wonderful flowers she had ever seen, and lovely fountains splashing and sparkling in the sunshine. Oh, how she longed to wander about among those flowers and cool her forehead in the fountains! But, alas! she could not even get her head through the doorway. 'Never mind,' said Alice to herself, 'it will be all right.' So she went back to the table, hoping she might find a key that would fit a larger door, or perhaps a little bottle that would make her grow smaller. To her surprise, she found a little bottle on the table that she hadn't noticed before. It had a label around its neck, and the words 'DRINK ME' were beautifully printed on it in large letters. It looked like a lemonade bottle, and Alice, feeling very thirsty, was eager to try it. So she uncorked it and took a sip. 'Oh, my goodness!' she exclaimed. 'This is delightful! It tastes like cherry-tart, or custard, or pineapple, or a roast turkey, or a hot buttered toast, or even, she thought, 'like anything I've ever wanted to eat all at once!' She quickly finished the bottle, and then, to her amazement, she felt herself shrinking. She looked down and saw that she was becoming smaller and smaller, until she was just the right size to fit through the tiny door! But oh, dear! She had forgotten the key! It was still lying on the glass table, far above her head. 'Silly Alice!' she scolded herself. 'Why didn't you put the key in your pocket before you drank?' But it was too late now. She tried to climb up the table leg, but it was too smooth and slippery. She felt a wave of despair wash over her. She sat down and began to cry. Her tears flowed faster and faster, forming a large, salty pool around her. Soon, she was swimming in her own tears! As she paddled about, she noticed something. The pool of tears was getting bigger! And bigger! And bigger! She was swimming in a sea of her own sadness. Suddenly, she heard a little voice. 'Come here, little one, don't be afraid!' Alice looked around and saw a small Mouse swimming towards her. 'Oh, I'm so sorry to have made you cry,' said the Mouse, wiping its eyes with its paws. 'I didn't mean to frighten you.' 'But you didn't frighten me,' sobbed Alice. 'It was the shrinking and the growing, and the key, and the tiny door, and now I'm all wet and I can't get out!' The Mouse, who seemed very kind, tried to comfort her. 'There, there,' said the Mouse. 'We'll get out together. Many creatures have fallen into this pool of tears before. It's quite common, you know.' Alice managed to swim to shore, or rather, to the edge of the pool, where she found herself back in the long hall. But she was still very, very small, and the pool of tears was so large that it stretched all the way back to the tiny door. The Mouse followed her, shaking its little head sadly. 'Now, how do we get out?' Alice wondered aloud. 'Perhaps,' suggested the Mouse, 'if we find something to make you grow again, you might be able to reach something to help us.' Alice looked around and saw a small fan lying on the floor nearby. It looked like a very ordinary fan, but when she picked it up, it felt strangely magical. As soon as she began to fan herself with it, she started to grow again! And grow, and grow, and grow! She grew so fast that she was soon much bigger than before, even bigger than her normal size. 'Oh, dear!' she cried, 'now I've grown too big! I'll never get through the little door now!' She was so big that her head hit the ceiling of the hall, and her feet were still somewhere in the pool of tears. She dropped the fan, and at once began to shrink again, until she was back to her normal size. 'Oh, I'm so glad I didn't grow any larger!' she said. 'But now I'm no bigger than I was before, and the little door is still too small!' The Mouse watched her, looking quite bewildered. 'This is a very strange place,' said Alice. 'I don't understand any of it.' The Mouse just nodded, its whiskers twitching. 'Indeed,' it squeaked. 'It is a place of many wonders, and many confusions.'
Segment 3: A Dry Race and a Long Tale
Alice and the Mouse were still by the edge of the enormous pool of tears that Alice had cried. It had spread all over the long hall and reached back to the tiny door. They were a rather damp and dishevelled group now, as other creatures had also tumbled into the pool of tears, seeking dry land. There was a Duck, a Dodo, a Lory, and a little Eaglet, all looking very bewildered and quite soggy. They all shook themselves vigorously, sending sprays of water everywhere. Alice, still quite small from her earlier adventure with the fan, felt a little shiver go through her. 'We must get dry,' announced the Dodo in a very important voice. 'But how?' asked the Duck, ruffling its wet feathers. The Dodo puffed out its chest. 'I have it!' it declared. 'The best way to get dry is to have a race. A Caucus-Race, I call it!' Alice looked confused. 'What is a Caucus-Race?' she asked. The Dodo looked at her as if she were quite silly. 'Why, you run any way you like, and you win! It's a race with no rules, and everyone is a winner!' This sounded very strange to Alice, but the other creatures seemed to think it was a brilliant idea. 'Right then!' boomed the Dodo. 'Everyone form a circle! Now, start running!' And so they did. They all got into a big circle, and then they all started running around and around. Alice ran too, though she didn't quite understand the point of it all. They ran this way and that way, forwards and backwards, and Alice was sure she wasn't going in any particular direction. After a few minutes of this chaotic running, the Dodo suddenly shouted, 'Stop! The race is over! Everyone is a winner!' Alice looked around, utterly baffled. 'But who won?' she asked. The Dodo puffed up again. 'Why, everyone! You all win, and therefore you all deserve prizes!' 'But what prizes?' asked the Duck, still dripping. The Dodo looked thoughtful for a moment. 'That,' it said, 'is a very good question. I shall have to think about that.' Alice waited patiently. The Dodo seemed to be thinking very hard, tapping its beak. Finally, it looked at Alice. 'You shall give them prizes!' it declared. Alice was even more confused. 'But I haven't any prizes!' she protested. 'And besides, I haven't won anything, so how can I give prizes?' The Dodo, however, was not to be deterred. 'You have the prizes,' it insisted. 'You must have them in your pockets. Everyone has pockets, and therefore everyone must have prizes in their pockets.' Alice, feeling quite desperate, felt in her pockets. To her utter astonishment, she found a box of little comfits, or candies, in one pocket, and a thimble in the other. 'Ah!' cried the Dodo triumphantly. 'Give the comfits to everyone, and then give the thimble to yourself!' So Alice dutifully handed out the little candies to all the creatures. They ate them up greedily. Then, the Dodo turned to Alice. 'And now,' it announced, 'you must give yourself the thimble as a prize for winning the race.' Alice, not knowing what else to do, took the thimble and gave it back to the Dodo, who presented it to her with a solemn bow. 'You see?' said the Dodo. 'Everyone is a winner!' Alice just smiled weakly, still feeling rather damp and confused. Just then, the Mouse, who had been sitting quietly on a nearby lily pad, began to speak. 'Now that we are all dry, perhaps someone could tell us a story to pass the time?' it suggested politely. The creatures all agreed eagerly. The Dodo immediately looked at the Mouse. 'You tell a story!' it commanded. The Mouse hesitated. 'I don't know if I can tell a very good story,' it said shyly. 'But I will try. It's a very sad tale, though.' 'Oh, tell us!' cried the Lory. 'We love sad tales!' The Mouse took a deep breath. 'Once upon a time,' it began, 'there were three little sisters who lived at the bottom of a well.' Alice listened with great interest. 'What, three little sisters all lived at the bottom of a well?' she asked, quite surprised. The Mouse nodded. 'Yes. And they lived on treacle.' Alice's eyes widened. 'Treacle? They lived on treacle?' The Mouse nodded again, looking more and more miserable. 'They did. And that was the sad part. Because they had nothing else to live on. So they were always very, very sad.' Alice couldn't quite understand. 'But why were they sad?' she asked. 'Because,' said the Mouse, its voice trembling, 'they were always longing for more treacle!' The Mouse then looked at Alice, its eyes brimming with tears. 'And that is my tale,' it squeaked, before diving back into the pool of tears. Alice was left feeling even more bewildered than before. A story about sisters living at the bottom of a well, eating only treacle, and being sad because they wanted more treacle? It all seemed so very peculiar. She turned to the Dodo, hoping for an explanation, but the Dodo was busy trying to organize another Caucus-Race.
Segment 4: Too Big for the House
Alice was still trying to make sense of the Mouse's sad story when suddenly, a frantic White Rabbit scurried past. He was wearing a smart little waistcoat, just like before, and he seemed terribly agitated. 'Oh, my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting!' he cried, peering about nervously. He spotted Alice and immediately rushed up to her. 'Mary Ann! What are you doing here?' he demanded, looking quite cross. 'Go at once and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan! Quick, now!' Alice was quite taken aback. 'If you please, sir,' she began politely, 'I am not Mary Ann.' The Rabbit blinked. 'Not Mary Ann? Then who are you?' he stammered, looking utterly confused. 'I am Alice, sir,' she replied, curtsying slightly. 'Alice? Oh, dear! Oh, dear! How very unfortunate!' the Rabbit muttered to himself, wringing his paws. 'No matter, no matter. Just hurry along and fetch those things!' And with another flustered look, he hurried away, leaving Alice quite bewildered. 'Fetch gloves and a fan?' she thought. 'But I don't know any Mary Ann! And I can't fetch things for a rabbit!' Still, a strange curiosity tugged at her. Where did that little rabbit live? She decided to follow him. She found herself in a neat little house, quite like a doll's house, with a small garden. The White Rabbit had gone inside, and Alice cautiously pushed open the door and stepped in. The Rabbit didn't seem to notice her. He was busy fussing over a little bottle that was sitting on a table. He picked it up and looked at it, then at Alice. 'You!' he shrieked. 'What are you doing in my house? You must get out this instant!' Alice felt a little frightened, but she also felt a surge of indignation. 'I was told to fetch a fan and gloves,' she said, trying to sound brave. 'And I don't know where to find them.' The Rabbit just wrung his paws in despair. 'Oh, I see! You're the maid, Mary Ann! Go and fetch them!' He pointed a shaky paw towards a small table. 'The fan is there, and the gloves too.' Alice looked at the table. Next to the fan, she saw another little bottle, this one with a label that clearly read 'DRINK ME'. She remembered how she had shrunk before when she drank from a similar bottle. A mischievous thought popped into her head. 'If I drink this,' she mused, 'I might become small enough to fit through the doors and find the fan and gloves easily.' So, without a second thought, she picked up the bottle and took a large gulp. This was a mistake. A very big mistake. Almost immediately, Alice began to grow. And grow, and grow! She grew so rapidly that her head bumped against the ceiling, her feet pushed through the floor, and her arms filled the entire room. She was enormous! The White Rabbit stared at her, his eyes wide with terror. 'Good heavens!' he shrieked. 'What have you done? You've grown too big for the house! You'll break everything!' Alice, trapped and uncomfortable, began to cry. 'I can't help it!' she sobbed. 'I drank from the bottle, and I just kept growing!' The Rabbit was beside himself. He ran to the door and called for help. Soon, a crowd of creatures gathered outside, including the Mouse, the Duck, the Lory, and the Dodo. 'She's too big!' they cried. 'We must get her out!' They tried everything. The Dodo suggested they try to pull her out by the feet, but she was far too large. The Rabbit tried to coax her out, but Alice was stuck fast. 'Oh, dear!' cried the Rabbit. 'What shall we do? We must get her out somehow!' Then, someone had a strange idea. 'Perhaps,' squeaked the Mouse, 'if we throw pebbles at her, she will shrink!' So they began to throw pebbles. To Alice's surprise, the pebbles didn't hurt her at all. Instead, as each pebble hit her, it turned into a tiny cake! Alice, feeling rather hungry, started to eat the cakes. 'Don't eat them!' cried the Rabbit. 'They're meant to make you shrink!' But Alice kept eating, and to her great dismay, she began to grow even larger! The situation was becoming quite desperate. Finally, Alice had an idea. 'If I can just reach that fan,' she said, pointing a gigantic finger towards the table, 'perhaps I can fan myself and shrink back down.' With great difficulty, she managed to nudge the table with her elbow, sending the fan sliding towards her. She picked it up and began to fan herself. Slowly, miraculously, she began to shrink. She shrank and shrank until she was small enough to fit through the door again. She scrambled out of the house as fast as she could, leaving the bewildered creatures and the tiny cakes behind. She ran into the forest, not sure where she was going, but eager to escape the chaos of the Rabbit's house. As she ran, she came across a little grove where she saw a large mushroom growing. On top of the mushroom sat a blue Caterpillar, smoking a hookah and looking at her very calmly.
Segment 5: Identity and Transformations
Alice emerged from the forest, still a little shaken from her encounter with the enormous house and the frantic White Rabbit. She found herself in a curious little wood, where the trees seemed to whisper secrets and the sunlight filtered through in dappled patterns. It was here, in this quiet, almost enchanted spot, that she came across the Caterpillar. He was perched regally atop a large red mushroom, puffing away contentedly on a long hookah pipe. His body was a vivid shade of blue, and he regarded Alice with a rather sleepy, unimpressed gaze. Alice, though usually quite polite, felt a prickle of annoyance. 'Who are you?' she asked, somewhat abruptly. The Caterpillar took another slow puff, his blue smoke curling lazily in the air. He then exhaled, and in a slow, monotonous voice, replied, 'Who are *you*?' This was not the answer Alice had expected. 'I... I hardly know, sir,' she stammered, feeling suddenly quite uncertain of herself. 'I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.' She tried to explain the extraordinary things that had happened to her, the shrinking and the growing, the pool of tears, the chaotic events at the Rabbit's house. The Caterpillar listened, or seemed to listen, without moving a muscle. When she had finished, he simply asked, 'Can you talk?' Alice was perplexed by this question. 'Well, yes, I can talk,' she replied, 'but I can't think what that has to do with anything.' 'In my day,' said the Caterpillar, his voice still flat, 'that is, in my day, I was a butterfly. And I am sure I never could have talked well then. But I daresay you normally can talk. What is your name?' Alice felt a rush of irritation. 'I really don't think you are teaching me anything,' she said indignantly. 'You are making me very confused.' The Caterpillar simply blew another puff of smoke. 'Who are you?' he repeated, as if he hadn't heard a word she'd said. This back-and-forth was making Alice feel quite dizzy. She felt she was shrinking and growing all at once, her sense of self dissolving with each puff of the Caterpillar's pipe. 'I think you ought to tell me who *you* are first,' she said, trying to regain some control. 'Then I can tell you my name.' The Caterpillar considered this. 'Why?' he asked. 'Because,' Alice retorted, 'it is such a curious thing to ask.' The Caterpillar gave a slow, deliberate nod. 'So you think you're changed, do you?' he asked. Alice nodded sadly. 'I'm afraid so,' she whispered. 'And you don't think you can remember things, do you?' 'I can't remember things with any certainty,' Alice admitted. 'For instance, I can't remember the words of my favourite poem, 'You Are Old, Father William'.' The Caterpillar puffed. 'Recite it.' Alice took a deep breath and began, but the words came out jumbled and strange, completely different from the poem she knew. The Caterpillar listened impassively. 'That is not it at all,' he said dryly. Alice burst into tears. 'It *is* it, and I never was so confused in all my life!' The Caterpillar, after a moment of silence, pointed with his hookah towards a mushroom. 'You seem to be trying to grow,' he said. 'Which side of the mushroom do you stand on?' Alice looked at the mushroom. It had two sides. 'I'm not sure,' she said. 'Well, you shall be told when you have decided which side you want to grow towards,' the Caterpillar replied. 'As I said, I don't think I can remember *anything* clearly,' Alice sobbed. 'I used to know it all, and now I don't even know my own name!' The Caterpillar took another puff. 'Come, come,' he said, his voice a little less monotonous. 'You will be better by and by. What do you want to find?' Alice thought for a moment. 'I want to find my way home,' she said, her voice trembling. The Caterpillar nodded slowly. 'And you want to grow, I suppose?' Alice nodded vigorously. 'Yes, please!' The Caterpillar then gave her some very peculiar advice. 'One side of the mushroom will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter.' Alice carefully broke off a piece from each side of the mushroom. She nibbled a tiny bit from one piece and felt herself instantly shrink, so much so that she was hidden in the grass. 'Oh, my goodness!' she exclaimed, her voice sounding small and distant. She quickly ate a piece from the other side and found herself growing taller again, her head popping out above the trees. With careful nibbling and much trial and error, Alice began to learn how to control her size. She grew a little, then a little more, until she was finally her normal height. Feeling much more confident, and armed with this new knowledge, she thanked the Caterpillar and set off again, determined to find her way. As she walked, she heard a distant sound of shouting and laughter. Following the noise, she came upon a most peculiar sight: a large house with many chimneys, and in the garden, a group of playing cards, dressed as gardeners, were busily painting white roses red. This, she thought, must be the Duchess's house. She approached cautiously.
Segment 6: Eternal Tea-Time
Alice approached the house, drawn by the strange sight of the card gardeners painting roses. She watched them for a moment, their frantic movements and hushed, worried whispers. 'Why are you painting those roses?' she asked, stepping into the garden. One of the gardeners, a Two of Spades, jumped guiltily. 'We have to paint them,' he stammered. 'The Queen! She hates white roses! She wants red ones!' Alice nodded, understanding dawning. 'Ah, I see,' she said. 'But why don't you just plant red ones?' The gardeners looked at each other in dismay. 'We don't have time!' cried a Three of Hearts. 'The Queen is coming any minute!' Just then, a trumpet fanfare sounded, and a procession appeared. The Queen of Hearts, a formidable woman with a stern face, marched ahead, followed by the King, the courtiers, and a host of servants. The Queen's eyes immediately fell upon the roses. 'What is all this?' she bellowed, pointing at the painted roses. The gardeners immediately threw themselves flat on the ground. The Queen, however, seemed more interested in Alice. 'Who is this?' she demanded. Alice curtsied politely. 'My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' she replied. 'And who is this?' the Queen demanded, pointing at the gardeners. Alice, remembering her conversation, said, 'These gardeners are painting the roses red.' The Queen looked furious. 'Painting the roses red! I hate red roses! Off with their heads!' she shrieked. The gardeners scrambled to their feet and fled. But before the Queen could order their capture, Alice noticed a large table set out under a tree. At the table sat a Hatter, a March Hare, and a Dormouse. They were all having tea, but it looked like a very strange tea party. 'What a curious sight!' thought Alice. She decided to approach them. As she came closer, she saw that the table was set for many more people than were present. A sign hung from the tree, which read: 'NO ROOM! NO ROOM!' But as Alice drew nearer, the March Hare leaned forward and said, 'There's plenty of room!' and Alice sat down in a large armchair between the March Hare and the Hatter. 'Have some wine,' the March Hare said, pointing to an empty decanter. Alice looked around. 'I don't see any wine,' she observed. 'There isn't any,' said the March Hare. 'Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' Alice said crossly. 'It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,' said the March Hare. Alice felt offended. 'You had no right to think I wouldn't be invited,' she said, 'when I saw that there was plenty of room.' The Hatter looked at her with a strange, sleepy expression. 'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?' he suddenly asked. Alice thought for a moment. 'I believe I can guess that,' she said. 'Do you mean you think you can find out the answer to it?' asked the March Hare. 'In that case,' said the Hatter, 'you should say what you mean.' 'But I do,' Alice explained. 'At least—at least I mean what I say—that's the same thing, you know.' 'No, it isn't!' said the Hatter. 'I don't know what you mean by 'it'.' 'By *it*,' Alice explained, 'I mean *it* is—whatever that is.' 'I don't know what that means!' said the March Hare. Alice felt completely confused. 'I mean,' she went on, 'that I meant I could guess that.' 'Why, then,' said the Hatter, 'you should have said that before.' He went back to his cup of tea, looking very thoughtful. Alice felt that this tea party was the strangest she had ever attended. The Dormouse was fast asleep between the March Hare and the Hatter, and they kept trying to nudge it awake. 'Wake up, Dormouse!' they shouted. 'We need you to tell us a story!' The Dormouse stirred. 'I'm sleepy,' it mumbled. 'Tell us a story!' insisted the Hatter. 'We must have a story.' The Dormouse sighed. 'Once upon a time,' it began, its voice barely a whisper, 'there were three little sisters who lived at the bottom of a well...' Alice's ears perked up. 'What, three little sisters all lived at the bottom of a well?' she interrupted. 'And they lived on treacle?' The Dormouse looked surprised. 'Yes, they did,' it said. 'And they were always very sad because they wanted more treacle.' Alice felt a flicker of recognition. 'Was that the tale the Mouse told you?' she asked. The Dormouse blinked. 'I don't know what you mean,' it said. 'I've never heard of any Mouse.' The Hatter and the March Hare both looked at Alice with wide eyes. 'A Mouse? Tell us about this Mouse!' cried the Hatter. 'Did it have a tail?' asked the March Hare. Alice was quite flustered. She had accidentally revealed something from her previous adventures. 'Never mind the Mouse,' she said quickly. 'Please go on with your story.' But the Dormouse had fallen back asleep. The Hatter and the March Hare just continued to stir their tea, muttering riddles with no answers and making nonsensical remarks. Alice found their conversation so rude and illogical that she soon decided to leave. 'This is the most nonsensical tea party I have ever been to,' she declared, standing up. 'I'm going.' She walked away, leaving the Hatter, the March Hare, and the sleeping Dormouse to their endless, timeless tea.
Segment 7: Off With Their Heads!
Feeling quite fed up with the nonsensical tea party, Alice decided to continue her exploration of this bewildering land. She wandered through the woods, the strange encounter with the card gardeners and the mad tea party still swirling in her mind. Eventually, she came to a beautiful garden, filled with rose trees and flowerbeds. But something was odd. She saw a group of playing cards, dressed as gardeners, frantically painting white roses red. This was the very scene she had glimpsed earlier! She approached them cautiously. 'Why are you painting the roses?' she asked. A Two of Spades, looking very flustered, explained, 'The Queen! She hates white roses, and she ordered us to paint them red before she arrives!' Alice couldn't help but feel a little sorry for them. 'But why don't you just plant red roses instead?' she inquired. The gardeners looked at her as if she had lost her mind. 'We don't have time for that!' cried a Five of Hearts. 'The Queen is coming any moment!' Suddenly, a trumpet sounded, and a procession of playing cards, dressed in royal attire, marched into the garden. Leading them was the Queen of Hearts, a stern-faced woman with a perpetually angry expression. Beside her walked the King, who looked rather timid. The Queen's sharp eyes immediately fell upon the roses. 'What is all this?' she roared, pointing a finger at the partially painted roses. The gardeners immediately threw themselves flat on the ground, hoping to escape her wrath. The Queen, however, seemed more interested in Alice. 'Who is this child?' she demanded, her voice sharp. Alice, remembering her manners, curtsied. 'My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' she said. 'And who are *these*?' the Queen shrieked, pointing at the terrified gardeners. Alice, recalling her earlier conversation, replied, 'These gardeners are painting the roses red.' The Queen's face turned a shade of purple. 'Painting the roses red! I hate red roses! Off with their heads!' she screamed. The gardeners immediately scrambled to their feet and fled, but the Queen's guards, also playing cards, were hot on their heels. Alice felt a pang of sympathy for the poor creatures. But then, her attention was caught by a game of croquet being set up on the lawn. It was the most peculiar game of croquet she had ever seen. The mallets were live flamingos, the balls were hedgehogs, and the hoops were soldiers who had to bend over. The Queen was playing, and she was in a terrible temper. 'Off with his head!' she shouted constantly, whenever anyone displeased her, which was often. Alice watched, wide-eyed, as the game descended into chaos. Flamingos squawked and struggled, hedgehogs unrolled and scurried away, and the card soldiers bent and straightened with great reluctance. It was impossible to play any sort of sensible game. Alice felt a growing sense of unease. This Queen seemed incredibly cruel and unreasonable. Just as she was wondering what to do next, she noticed a peculiar grin floating in the air above her. It was the Cheshire Cat! He faded in and out of sight, his grin often remaining visible even when the rest of him had vanished. 'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?' Alice asked the Cat. 'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat. 'I don't much care where—' said Alice. 'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat. '—so long as I get *somewhere*,' Alice added as an explanation. 'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long enough.' Alice found this advice rather unhelpful, but she thanked the Cat anyway. As the Cat began to fade away, she heard a strange noise. 'Come on!' cried a voice. Alice looked around and saw a Gryphon, a creature with the body of a lion and the head and wings of an eagle, hurrying towards her. 'Come on!' the Gryphon repeated impatiently. 'The Queen wants to see you!' Alice, feeling a mixture of apprehension and curiosity, followed the Gryphon. As they walked, the Gryphon explained that he was taking her to meet the Mock Turtle. Alice had never heard of a Mock Turtle before, and she wondered what sort of creature it could be. The Queen's garden, with its playing card inhabitants and their absurd rules, was proving to be a place of endless surprises.
Segment 8: Lessons from a Mock Turtle
The Gryphon led Alice across the lawn, past the chaotic croquet game and the disappearing Cheshire Cat, towards a solitary figure sitting sadly on a rock by the sea. It was the Mock Turtle. He was a large, melancholy creature, with a long neck and a mournful expression. He sighed deeply, a sound like the distant ocean. 'What is his sorrow?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. 'He is sad because he is not real,' the Gryphon replied gruffly. 'I wish he were real,' said Alice sadly. 'He looks so unhappy.' The Gryphon nudged her forward. 'Come along!' he urged. 'He must teach you his lessons.' Alice approached the Mock Turtle. 'Good afternoon,' she said politely. The Mock Turtle sighed again. 'I haven't had any lessons,' he moaned. 'So I can't teach you anything.' 'But you *have* been to school in the sea, haven't you?' Alice asked. The Mock Turtle looked at her with wide, tearful eyes. 'Of course I have,' he said. 'I was at school in the sea, under the waves.' 'Then you must have learned something!' Alice insisted. The Mock Turtle sniffled. 'I learned,' he said slowly, 'to draw.' 'What, to draw?' Alice exclaimed. 'That seems a very peculiar thing to learn at school!' The Mock Turtle nodded sadly. 'Yes, I learned to draw. And then there was Reeling and Writhing,' he continued, his voice filled with woe. 'That is the ordinary way people learn to write, you know. The name came first—' 'Why, what was that?' Alice interrupted eagerly. 'Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle said. 'And the Mock Turtle School was at the bottom of the sea, because it is such a nice deep font of knowledge. And the different branches of learning were called Reeling and Writhing, and then Arithmetic, Ambush, and Drawling. And then the different subjects they taught were Algebraical Fractions, and then Grilled Mutton, and then the lessons would go on for days and days. There were so many lessons! Oh, the lessons!' The Mock Turtle sighed so deeply that he seemed to shrink. Alice tried to understand. 'Grilled Mutton? That sounds like something to eat, not a lesson!' she exclaimed. The Mock Turtle shook his head. 'No, no,' he sobbed. 'It's part of the curriculum. We had to learn it. And then there was a subject called 'Uglification'.' 'What is Uglification?' Alice asked, quite bewildered. 'As I said, I can't teach you anything,' the Mock Turtle wailed. 'But I can tell you about the things I learned. Uglification is the opposite of Beautification. And then there was all manner of things important for learning. We had lessons in Mystery, and then in Confusion, and then in Everything.' Alice couldn't quite grasp it. 'Everything?' she repeated. 'Yes,' said the Mock Turtle. 'We had to learn everything. And then, of course, there was 'Careless Arithmetic'.' 'What is Careless Arithmetic?' Alice inquired. 'Well,' said the Mock Turtle, 'it's when you don't care about the numbers, and you just guess. For example, if you have to add up the apples, you just say 'a lot' instead of counting them. It's much easier, you see.' Alice thought this was a very strange way to do arithmetic. 'And what else did you learn?' she asked. The Mock Turtle sighed again. 'We learned about the different sorts of creatures,' he said. 'There are the Common things, and then there are the Uncommon things. And then there are the Odd things, and the Even things. And then there are the Blue things, and the Green things.' Alice tried to follow. 'So, for example, lobsters are Common things?' she asked. 'Lobsters are Uncommon things,' the Mock Turtle corrected her. 'And then there are the Queer things, and the Quaint things.' Alice felt her head spinning. This 'school' sounded more confusing than anything she had ever experienced. The Mock Turtle looked at her with pleading eyes. 'It was all very difficult,' he whispered. 'Very, very difficult. And now I have no lessons to learn, and I am always sad.' The Gryphon nudged Alice again. 'Come, let's play!' he said. 'The Queen wants to have a dance!' Alice, though still puzzled by the Mock Turtle's tales, nodded and followed the Gryphon away, leaving the melancholy creature to his mournful sighs.
Segment 9: Dancing with the Creatures
The Gryphon, with a cheerful if somewhat abrupt, 'Come along!' led Alice away from the sad Mock Turtle. 'The Queen wants to see you dance!' he announced. Alice blinked. Dance? She hadn't expected that. She followed the Gryphon, who seemed eager to get away from the melancholy creature. As they walked, Alice couldn't help but ask, 'What sort of dance is it? And will the Queen really want to see me?' The Gryphon just grunted, 'It's the Lobster-Quadrille, of course! And the Queen always wants to see everyone dance!' Alice had never heard of a Lobster-Quadrille. 'What is a Lobster-Quadrille?' she asked, trying to imagine such a thing. The Gryphon explained, 'It's a very popular dance. You have to have a lobster for a partner, and then you dance along the shore.' Alice was intrigued, but also rather confused. 'But how do you dance with a lobster? And what do you sing?' The Gryphon ignored her questions for a moment and hurried her towards a large open space on the beach. There, spread out before them, was a most extraordinary scene. Dozens of lobsters were arranged in neat rows, and a group of animals, including the Duchess, the King, the Queen, and many others Alice had met, were preparing to dance. A solemn-looking Prawn stood at the head of the group, preparing to call out the figures of the dance. 'Ready, my dears?' the Prawn announced, his voice echoing over the waves. 'You may begin.' And so, the dance began. The Prawn called out the instructions in a sing-song voice: 'First, you must arrange your lobsters.' The animals carefully picked up their lobster partners, forming them into orderly lines. 'Now, advance twice,' the Prawn commanded. The animals took two steps forward, dragging their lobsters behind them. 'Then, you must turn your lobsters!' Alice watched, fascinated and bewildered, as the creatures awkwardly maneuvered their unwieldy partners. 'Now, bow, and then turn again!' The lobsters flailed their claws, and the animals bowed, some with great dignity, others with comical clumsiness. 'The next figure,' the Prawn continued, 'is to throw your lobsters.' At this, all the animals tossed their lobsters high into the air, and the lobsters sailed through the sky before landing back on the sand. Alice couldn't believe her eyes. It was the most absurd dance imaginable! 'And then,' the Prawn announced, 'you must swim away, so you must all swim away!' With that, the animals, still holding their lobsters, plunged into the sea and swam away. Alice stood on the shore, utterly perplexed. 'But... what about the song?' she asked the Gryphon. 'The song?' the Gryphon echoed. 'Oh, yes, the song!' He nudged her towards a group of animals who were now sitting on the shore, looking rather tired. 'They will sing the song for you,' he said. A chorus of animals, including the Mouse, the Lory, and the Eaglet, began to sing in a rather mournful tone: 'Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you're at! Up above the world so high, Like a tea-tray in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you're at!' Alice frowned. 'I've heard that before,' she said. 'It's a very famous poem!' 'Oh, no, it isn't!' said the Gryphon quickly. 'It's a song. A Lobster-Quadrille song.' Alice was sure it was her poem, just slightly changed. She felt a wave of confusion wash over her. The whole of Wonderland seemed to operate on rules she couldn't understand, with creatures who behaved in the most illogical ways. She looked back at the sea, where the dancers and their lobster partners had disappeared. 'It's all so very strange,' she murmured to herself. 'I don't think I shall ever understand this place.'
Segment 10: Who Stole the Tarts?
Alice had just begun to feel a little more confident about her place in Wonderland, especially after her adventures with the Mock Turtle and the Gryphon, when suddenly she heard a great commotion. Shouts and accusations filled the air. She followed the noise and found herself in a large courtyard, where a trial was in progress. At a long table sat the King of Hearts, acting as judge, looking very serious but not very wise. Beside him sat the Queen of Hearts, her face a mask of fury, ready to condemn anyone. The jury, composed of various creatures Alice had encountered, sat in a row, looking bewildered. And in the dock stood the unfortunate Knave of Hearts, accused of stealing a batch of tarts. 'The trial is beginning!' Alice whispered to herself, her curiosity piqued. The King of Hearts banged his gavel. 'Silence in the court!' he boomed, though the courtroom was already quite quiet, mostly out of fear of the Queen. 'We are here today to try the Knave of Hearts for the crime of stealing tarts from the Queen's pantry.' The Queen glared at the Knave. 'And he shall have justice,' she declared, 'which means he shall be beheaded!' The Knave looked pale. The first witness was called: the White Rabbit. He fidgeted nervously. 'Now, Rabbit,' said the King, 'tell us what you know about this business.' The Rabbit cleared his throat. 'Your Majesty,' he began, 'on the seventeenth of June, the Queen prepared the tarts...' 'No, no, that's not the right way to begin!' interrupted the Queen impatiently. 'Begin at the beginning, and go on till you come to the end. Then stop.' The Rabbit looked flustered. 'Well, the beginning is, the Queen looked out at the pantry, and she saw that the tarts had been stolen.' 'So the tarts were stolen, were they?' the King asked. 'Yes, Your Majesty,' said the Rabbit. 'And who stole them?' 'Well, I—' the Rabbit began, but the Queen cut him off. 'Sentence first—verdict afterwards!' she shrieked. 'Off with his head!' The Rabbit scurried away in terror. The King, however, looked thoughtful. 'We must have evidence,' he said. The next witness was the Duchess, who Alice remembered meeting earlier. She looked rather plump and spoke in a peculiar, condescending tone. 'She *is* a dear thing,' the Duchess said, looking at Alice. 'And the first thing in her lessons was the day I was born. And that was the day I was born, you know.' Alice was quite confused by this statement. The King cleared his throat. 'What evidence have you against the prisoner?' he asked the Duchess. The Duchess waved a dismissive hand. 'I have no evidence,' she said smoothly. 'But I can tell you, the tarts were very good.' This was hardly helpful. The Queen, however, seemed to think it was excellent evidence. 'Excellent evidence!' she cried. 'Off with his head!' But the King stopped her. 'Wait, wait! We need more proof!' He looked at the jury. 'Do you have any evidence?' he asked. The jury members looked at each other, shaking their heads. The White Rabbit was called again, this time with a piece of paper. 'I found this,' he said, holding it up. 'It looks like a list of ingredients for tarts.' The King peered at it. 'And who wrote this?' he asked. 'I don't know, Your Majesty,' said the Rabbit. 'But it was found near the prisoner's cell.' The Queen snatched the paper. 'It's the Knave's handwriting!' she declared, though Alice suspected it was not. 'And he wrote it!' she shrieked. 'Therefore, he must have stolen the tarts! Off with his head!' Alice, who had been growing increasingly indignant at the unfairness of the trial, could no longer remain silent. 'That's not a verdict!' she exclaimed. 'It's not evidence at all! You can't just decide someone is guilty without any proof!' The Queen turned her fiery gaze on Alice. 'Who is this?' she demanded. 'How dare you interrupt the court!' Alice, surprisingly, felt a surge of courage. She remembered how she could control her size. 'I am Alice,' she said, her voice growing louder. 'And I think this trial is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen!' As she spoke, she felt herself beginning to grow. She grew taller and taller, her head reaching towards the ceiling of the courtyard. The playing cards gasped in astonishment. 'She's grown enormous!' cried the King. 'What do we do?' 'Off with her head!' shrieked the Queen, but her voice sounded smaller now. Alice, now towering over them all, felt a sense of power. 'You are nothing but a pack of cards!' she declared, her voice booming. 'And cards can't hurt me!'
Segment 11: A Dream Remembered
Alice stood tall, towering over the frantic playing cards and the furious Queen. Her voice boomed through the courtyard, no longer timid but filled with a newfound strength. 'You are nothing but a pack of cards!' she repeated, her words echoing with power. 'And cards can't hurt me!' The Queen, for the first time, looked genuinely frightened. Her face, usually contorted with rage, paled. 'Off with her head!' she shrieked again, but her voice lacked conviction. The King stammered, 'But... but she's so big! We can't possibly reach her head!' The playing cards, the soldiers and gardeners alike, began to flutter nervously. They had never encountered anyone like Alice, who could grow so immense, who could defy their Queen so boldly. Some of them started to advance towards her, their tiny swords and spears held aloft, but they looked utterly ridiculous, like a swarm of angry gnats attacking a giant. Alice felt a surge of amusement mixed with her indignation. 'This is absurd!' she cried. 'You're all just playing a game!' She felt a strange sensation, a tickling, as if tiny hands were tugging at her. She looked down and saw that the playing cards, in their desperation, were trying to climb up her dress, attempting to reach her head. It was too much. She let out a great laugh, a sound that shook the very foundations of the imaginary court. 'Stop it!' she cried, laughing even harder. 'You're tickling me!' The Queen, seeing her chance, screamed, 'Off with her head! Off with her head!' and the cards, emboldened by her fury, began to throw themselves at Alice, swarming over her like a pack of tiny, angry insects. They tugged at her hair, they pricked at her arms, they swarmed all over her. Alice waved her arms wildly, trying to brush them away. 'Stop it!' she cried again, but her voice was becoming muffled. The swarm of cards was overwhelming. She felt herself shrinking, not by choice this time, but as if the sheer force of their attack was diminishing her. The King, the Queen, the jury, the Knave – they all seemed to blur into a single, chaotic mass of red and black. The scene around her began to spin. The colours swam, the shouting faded, and a strange sense of peace washed over her. She felt a gentle breeze, and the scent of grass filled the air. Then, with a sudden jolt, Alice opened her eyes. She was lying on the riverbank, her head in her sister's lap. The long, strange dream was over. Her sister was gently brushing away a fallen leaf from Alice's face. 'Wake up, Alice dear!' her sister said softly. 'You've had such a long sleep, you've been dreaming so long!' Alice sat up, feeling rather dazed. 'Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' she exclaimed. She looked around. The familiar riverbank, the gentle flow of the water, her sister's kind face – it was all real. The White Rabbit, the Mad Hatter, the Cheshire Cat, the furious Queen – they had all been part of her dream. She tried to recall all the peculiar things that had happened, the shrinking and growing, the nonsensical conversations, the impossible logic. It felt so vivid, so real, yet now it was fading, like mist in the morning sun. 'I remember,' she said, her voice full of wonder, 'I remember the Caterpillar, and the Mouse, and the Mock Turtle, and the dancing with lobsters, and the Queen's croquet game, and the trial... Oh, it was all so wonderful and so strange!' Her sister smiled. 'It certainly sounds like a curious dream, my dear,' she said. Alice thought about her adventure, the bizarre logic and the even more bizarre characters. She knew that even though it was just a dream, it had been an extraordinary journey into a world unlike any other. She felt a sense of both loss and relief that it was over. She would never forget her trip down the rabbit hole.
Segment 12: Farewell from Wonderland
And so, Alice found herself back on the familiar riverbank, the echoes of Wonderland fading like a half-remembered dream. Her extraordinary journey, filled with talking animals, mad tea parties, and a fearsome Queen, had come to an end. We've journeyed with Alice, exploring the topsy-turvy logic and the whimsical wonders of a world where anything seemed possible, and nothing made quite enough sense. From tumbling down the rabbit hole to waking up on the grass, Alice's adventure reminds us that sometimes, the most incredible journeys happen when we least expect them, and that even the most peculiar experiences can teach us something new. Thank you for joining us on this magical adventure. We hope you enjoyed your time in Wonderland. We always love to hear from our listeners, so please share your thoughts and favourite moments with us. Until next time, keep exploring the extraordinary!
